Hudson is (obviously) our oldest son and one of the lights of our lives. He is truly extraordinary, uniquely crafted. He changed our lives forever when came into this world and God has big plans in store for him. But, to be completely honest with you, at times he also tends to be a big source of worry for us. Let us explain.
Some of you may know how the story goes, but to those of you who don’t, here’s the gist of it. When Hudson was about 2 years old he had, what we thought to be a seizure (although with seizures, doctors don’t really ever confirm them or not, because basically they don’t know unless they see it). Very scary, we didn’t know what to do. We took him to the ER and they first told us that they were going to do a CAT scan to make sure he didn’t have a brain tumor. Imagine what was going through our minds as we looked at our precious boy lying in the hospital bed as we awaited those results. The CAT scan came back clear, and we praised God, but we still didn’t know the cause. After taking him to a pediatric neurologist and cardiologist, and after having many tests performed such as an EEG, EKG, etc., everything kept coming back “clear” and “normal”. The doctors response – “hopefully this just won’t ever happen again”. NOT comforting, Doc!!! Turns out, doctors don’t really ever come out and confirm that it was or was not a seizure, because truly they can’t say unless something shows up on a test; it’s all about “data” and “hard evidence”. But, we know that GOD knows! In fact, He planned this out before the beginning of time and so we were able to rest assured in knowing that it was okay. You see, that’s the thing about God – it’s really not about us. It’s not about our COMFORT. What he cares about is our CHARACTER, so we found strength and trust in his promises. And after all in James 1: 2-4 we are told that “when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing”. So this was the mindset we considered whenever worry crept into our minds.
“Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your minds as you live in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7). And so, we prayed and tried as much as humanly possible to leave our worry behind. And we did.
So time went on and nearly a year passed and then it happened again. Shock, disappointment, fright. Now what to do!? We again take him back to visit the many specialists, where they run more tests on him (because really, what else are they going to do anyways). He had 2 more EEGs, blood sugar testing and some other junk and still nothing. Good, right?!? Yes, but what’s going on here with our child? Is he okay? Again we looked to God (because really what else could we do). At this point we had to make a choice. Were we going to be consumed with worry and have anxiety about all the “what-ifs” or were we going to trust our loving God? Well, God’s way is perfect! Listen to this: “God’s way is perfect. All the LORD’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection” (Psalm 18:30). We fell in love with this verse! Notice that it’s not necessarily the easiest way or the most comfortable, but it’s perfect, no matter what, and he will be our shield of protection and comfort. We had to let the worry go and to trust him fully, not making it about us or how we feel. It’s his plan and it will work out according to his purpose.
So here we are today, two more “seizures” have occurred and we have gotten through them. One even happened when he was away from us while he was at preschool, but no matter what, we are still having faith and trusting fully in our Almighty God. More tests have been run including an echocardiogram (ultrasound of the heart), another EKG, a 24-hour EKG and a 24-hour EEG and all the results have come back clear. Hudson has been amazing through all these tests and has had a peace about him through it all. He is truly one special boy!
So, at this point we have made an appointment with another neurologist to get a second opinion but in the meantime, we are letting 1 Thessalonians 5:16 -18 consume our minds, “Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Jesus”. The word in that verse that always sticks out to us is “ALL” and it is an important word nonetheless, but lets focus in on the word “IN”. Notice we are not necessarily told to give thanks FOR our circumstances, but rather IN them. We’re not expected to be thankful for problems and hardships that come our way. That sure was refreshing to hear, given all that we have experienced! The bottom line is that He ultimately does reign and will use ALL circumstances to make us more like him and to bring him greater glory.
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